Chinaman Is Not The Preferred Nomenclature Jenna Jameson

I spent a little time this morning pondering some of the universe’s most difficult questions. How do we define existence without the constraints of linear time? Are quasars really at the large distances indicated by their redshifts, and if so, what about objects with discordant redshifts, like Stephan’s Quintet? How do we account for non-baryonic dark matter? Why am I face down in the front yard? Where are my pants? And — most importantly — what would you get if you crossed Lucy Liu with Joan Rivers? Thanks to the surgically-disfigured porn star Jenna Jameson, we never have to wonder about that last one again. My pants and the hyperspherical dimensions of space might take a little more time.